‘I don’t even drink coffee’: Woman walks out of 3rd anniversary dinner after boyfriend gifts “her” an espresso workshop at his favorite roastery and then calls her ungrateful for not loving his hobby

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  • am i wrong for walking out of our anniversary dinner because my partner’s “gift” felt like it was for him?

    A young woman in an elegant restaurant turns away from a dinner table, holding a napkin and looking back with a tense, disengaged expression, while a man gestures from the foreground, suggesting an awkward or tense dinner conversation in a candlelit setting.
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  • Me (30F) and my boyfriend (32M) just hit our 3 year anniversary. I'm not a "big gifts" person, but I do care about effort.
  • I planned the whole night: I booked a little Italian place we both like, dressed up, and I made him a small photo book at home. with dumb inside jokes (it took forever, my printer hates me).
  • I also got him a nice chef's knife because he's been cooking more and keeps stealing mine
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  • At dinner he slid a small envelope across the table and did that grin like "wait for it." Inside was a receipt and confirmation email for a weekend "coffee immersion" workshop.
  • Sounds cute, right. Except it's at the fancy roastery he's obsessed with, it's all about dialing in espresso, milk texturing, latte art, etc.
  • I don't even drink coffee. I have maybe 3 iced lattes a year, and he always teases me for ordering "dessert drinks." He said "I got it under your name so it's your gift, but obviously we'll go together and you'll finally learn to appreciate real coffee." I just kind of stared.
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  • A woman walks away from a candlelit restaurant table during an awkward dinner, while a man remains seated holding a napkin, suggesting relationship tension or a date ending badly in an elegant dining setting.
  • He started talking about the machines they use and how he's going to ask the instructor a million questions.
  • I said, very calmly at first, that this doesn't feel like it was for me. He got annoyed and said I'm being ungrateful, that it's an experience, and "couples do stuff together." I said couples do, yeah, but usually it's something both people actually enjoy?
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  • He rolled his eyes and did the "wow" thing, like I was embarrassing him. Then he said, in the middle of the restaurant, "You always make gifts into a test." That hit a nerve.
  • I paid for my part, stood up, and left. I didn't yell, but I definitely was shaky.
  • Now he's texting me that I ruined our anniversary, and his sister messaged me saying I'm a jerk for storming out over "a thoughtful gift.” TL;DR: He bought an anniversary gift in my name that's basically his hobby, and I left dinner when he got snippy about it.
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  • AITJ?
  • EssieTheCraftAddict What's thoughtful about getting you something he knows you won't like? NTJ I'm petty af so I'd take the bloody gift and go with a friend instead of him
  • OP softquartz_agency Right?? If it's "my" gift, then it should be about me, not his espresso obsession.
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  • OP softquartz_agency Extra info: I didn't ask for anything fancy, just something that shows he knows me. He literally said "you'll finally learn coffee" like I'm a project.
  • Rowan-The-Writer NTJ. So, he got himself a gift, said it was for you since it's under your name, and then when you didn't like it, he ran to his sister... Also, thoughtful gift? More like thoughtless. And also, what grown adult goes tattling to their sibling because their partner didn't appreciate a tacky gift? That honestly speaks more than anything else in this, to me, at least. I will ask you one question, and I want an honest answer. Is this the type of person you want to be with, and why?
  • stuckinnowhereville Ex boyfriend right? Seriously... his sister butting in? Throw the whole man away.
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  • Gladys Balzitch omfg this is a GENIUS IDEA!!! © she should thank him for the gift, then her and a friend can go make a day of it while he sits his ass at home!!
  • Able_Income1985 That was in no way a gift for you! He wants you to like coffee more than you do. How is a coffee experience an acceptable gift for someone who doesn't drink it?!?!? Like seriously?!? Have all of his presents been like that? Something for you that he actually likes instead?
  • Good_Focus2665 NTJ. Men always want you to share their hobbies. They rather jump off a cliff and eat their own toenails than ever try to enjoy yours even for a second. After three years, I think you should just call it. End it and don't waste your time. He will never do what you want to do. It's not going to change.
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  • minecraftvillagersk Take someone else with you to the tour and then dump him after.
  • eatencrow He got you a bowling ball engraved "HOMER"
  • Good_Focus2665 Second this. Absolutely take someone else. Someone who he knows doesn't like fancy coffee either.
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